To Call or Not to Call?

To Call or Not to Call

So that first date is over it was great you want to see her again – now what?  When can you call, is there a right or wrong time to do so?  Should it be right away or should you wait a couple of days?  It truly doesn’t matter.

If you want to call immediately, she might think that it’s endearing, on the other hand she might think you are a psycho.  The fact of the matter is, do what you would normally do.  If you don’t always do what you would anyway, then you aren’t really being yourself are you?

The worst thing that you can do for your relationship life is to hide who you are because it is a deception.  Always be honest so that you can reveal exactly who you are and what you are all about.

If you don’t want to smile, don’t smile.  If you want to wear sweatpants to your first date… well that’s probably not really classy, but maybe you aren’t classy.  Maybe she likes sweatpants right

So if you want to call then go ahead.  If you would usually wait a few days or if you get busy and don’t think about calling, then that’s fine too.  Don’t change anything about you unless you want to.

Don’t try to act a certain way because you think another person wants you to do that.  If it isn’t how you would normally behave then don’t do it.  Be yourself with everything that you do.  That includes dating.  Now, this might mean that it could be a lot more difficult for you to find a mate, but when you do, she will be the exact girl for you.

Thanks to http://dating.be2gether.com/ for this article.

Dating Tips for Single Parents

A more serious article from Kristi Pikiewicz, PhD in Meaningful You

For many single parents, casual dating can be frustrating and annoying. Looking for a new partner, however, can be downright frightening. In fact many single parents who are gunshy after divorce go in one of two directions. They either convince themselves they are better off not going beyond getting their feet wet (at best) or they deny and minimize their fears, which can lead to making reckless plunges.

Why? Well, the chronically painful realities of divorce that involve children may be likened to having a chronic and debilitating illness like arthritis. Instead of periodic flare ups of painful inflammation of muscles and joints we are left dealing with periodic flare ups of our children’s painful struggles to come to terms with our divorces, flare ups of our own painful struggles to come to terms with divorce and episodic painful dealings with our divorced spouses. The evolution and stabilization of split off family units do not come about without mourning obsolete family units and coping with individual and systemic growing pains.

Furthermore, many of us after unsuccessful marriages have our self esteem wounded, experience guilt over making our kids victims of decisions that didn’t work out, may begin to doubt our abilities to choose appropriate partners and even delude ourselves into believing we are entitled to and can realistically expect to forge intimate and satisfying relationships without risking disappointments and rejections. Have you endured all the discouragement you can take in one paragraph? Good, now I can resurrect your hopes for a happier outcome the second time around with my dating tips for single parents.

The thematic threat that holds my recommendations together is the adage: “finding a suitable partner is about racing in slow motion.” Like a well schooled marathoner runner, we are less likely to drop out of the race by virtue of hitting an impenetrable wall of disappointment, frustration and discouragement if we hold back, hold back, and hold back some more despite impulses to fall in infatuation in the early stages of a relationship. Most relationships destined to end when the blooms of infatuation fades are likely to end in the first six months. The faster we move the shorter they tend to be as human beings never measure up to our fantasies of them. It takes a history of consistent contacts, continuity of conversations and emotional connecting to build authentic, reliable and sustainable relationships. Rome was not built in a day. Neither are loving relationships.

The marathon doesn’t really begin until after the first half of the race is over and I contend that most relating doesn’t begin until the flames of infatuation cease to burn in an out of control fashion. It’s at this time the edge is taken off the urgency to be magnets for each other. We begin to put into focus the outlines of the people we have been pursuing as three dimensional people as distinct and separate from needs gratifying objects.

What is especially important to consider as attachments deepen is what roles from early childhood will your partners feel compelled to re-live and pressure you to re-live with them. We don’t know someone intimately until we get a flavour of the ghosts of seasons past we will be dealing with from time to time.

I say this no matter how great is the chemistry and/or level of comfort between the two of you. If we level with ourselves we don’t want to get involved with partners who in their repeating of history engage in abusive and neglectful dynamics even if they are darlings the rest of the time. Unless of course, they own these issues as their problems and are actively working them through. I can’t count how many times I have heard inside and outside of my private practice things like: “he was an angel until he moved in and then, became a tyrant, “ or “She gave me so much freedom to be myself until we got engaged and then, she wanted to know my whereabouts every hour of the day” or “He was great with my kids until we got married and then, he became jealous and envious to the point of hating them.”

In summary, to ensure that you are not blinded by the uncontaminated fantasies about a potential partner which assume lives of their own early on in relationships when there is little history together, clear boundaries, and infrequent contacts, please consider the following recommendations before you make any commitments and go beyond the point of no return.

1) It’s human nature to wish to possess that which holds the potential to satisfy powerful yearnings.

I urge all of you out there to consider staying out of bed as long as is possible and to do your best not to lavish your dates with expressions of infatuation which may be confused by both of you with expressions of love. Infatuations are by nature, deceptive. The ocean may look very inviting however, if there is an undertow you simply must refrain from getting in to deep until it subsides. Once you take the sexual plunge it’s hard to swim back towards shore against the tide.

2) We all want to make good impressions with our love interests.

It’s incumbent upon all of us to continuously make judgements as to whether our dates actions are consistent with their words. At the risk of mortally wounding your fantasies, ask clarifying questions, observe responses, and continue to reflect on what’s happening between you. When you process these interactions with your date is your reality in the same ballpark as his?

3) To whatever degree is possible, keep your dating out of sight of your children.

They don’t need to become anxious over what will happen to them should you remarry when you are dating casually. It’s hard enough to make an intelligent and reasonable judgement about selecting a partner without complicating the matter further. Just keep in mind as you go through the process what kind of step-parent your love interest might be to your kids.

If you reflect on any portions of this article I believe you will be much better prepared to avoid major pitfalls of dating the second time around. Good luck!

http://www.psychologytoday.com

Sex is the Secret to Looking Younger, Claims Researcher

Regular sex could now be the key to looking up to seven years younger, a researcher claims.

Dr David Weeks, former head of old age psychology at the Royal Edinburgh Hospital, said people need to be aware of the benefits of having a healthy sex life, particularly in their later years.

He said sex has a number of health benefits which can make men and women look between five and seven years younger which includes; it causes the release of endorphins, the ‘feel good’ chemical which acts as a natural painkiller and reduces anxiety aiding sleep; exercise boosts circulation which is good for the heart; and it also causes the human growth hormone to be released which makes the skin look more elastic.

Dr Weeks said: “My message is that lovemaking is good.

“The stereotype of an elderly person is that when they get their pension and bus pass, they stop having sex and that’s not true.

“Sexual satisfaction is a major contributor to quality of life, ranking at least as high as spiritual or religious commitment and other morale factors, so more positive attitudes towards mature sex should be vigorously promoted.

“Sexuality is definitely not the prerogative of younger people and nor should it be.”

The 59-year-old will tell a British Psychological Society conference today about his research, where he asked men and women questions about their sex lives. He found those who looked younger than their age claimed to have sex an average 50 per cent more – in the 40-to-50 age group equating to three times a week rather than twice.

Dr Weeks’ findings of the benefits of a healthy sex life follow previous evidence that suggests regular lovemaking is associated with reducing the risk of early death.

http://www.datingforsingleparentsuk.com

Lybridos Or 'Female Viagra' Could Be On Sale By 2016!

Reports suggests that in as little as three years, a new pill that heightens a woman's sexual desire and improves her satisfaction levels in the bedroom, could be on the market.

The new drug called Lybridos, developed by Dutch and US firm Emotional Brain, has been dubbed the 'female viagra' by the media.

According to The Telegraph, the company's founder Adriaan Tuiten describes the recent results of a trial involving more than 200 women, which have not yet been published, as "very, very promising".

In an extensive feature with The New York Times magazine, Tuiten also indicated that if all goes well, his drug could be on sale by 2016.

Emotional Brain was set up in 2001 to research innovative health care, with a focus on women's sexual health. Since then, studies into the causes of Female Sexual Dysfunction (FSD) have lead to the development of targeted drugs designed to meet women's needs.

However, concerns have already been raised about how a drug that can boost the female sex drive will be received by the public.

Gynaecologist Andrew Goldstein, who helped conduct the study, told The New York Times that: “You want your effects to be good but not too good.”

He recalled past research into the development of a drug to treat a decrease in sexual desire.

“There was a lot of discussion about the need to show that you’re not turning women into nymphomaniacs. There’s a bias against — a fear of creating the sexually aggressive woman.”

Commentators have already picked up on this controversial line of thought, with their spin on how a world filled with rapacious women might look!

According to the NHS, sexual problems affect around 50% of women, and become more common as women get older. Forms of FSD can include loss of desire, loss of arousal, problems with orgasm and pain during sex.

Joanna Coke, psychosexual therapist, told HuffPost UK Lifestyle: "The positive benefit of this kind of drug is that it could be a quick fix, which is much quicker and cheaper than psychosexual therapy.

"However, if low sexual desire disorder is part of a relational issue within the couple, using 'female viagra' may mean issues are not addressed and resentment continues to grow."

She adds there is also a small danger that if the drug were used to privilege sexual desire over the right to refuse sex, this could potentially lead to coercive and abusive behaviour within the relationship.

For more information about sexual and relationship therapy, please visit COSRT.

Single-Parent Sex Dos And Don’ts

Congratulations! You, the Renaissance single father, met a fabulous single mom. The coffee date -- with all that smiling and laughing at each other’s jokes -- was a supreme success. Then you went to a movie together and were turned on by the fact that you both like extra butter on your popcorn. Finally, you both took the giant risk of chewing food together over a dazzling new white tablecloth and she loved the way you took control of the wine list. 

As you are two single parents who know a lot about how to make the most of your time, your date immediately accepted your invitation to “come visit” after dinner. You didn’t even have to come up with a reason, such as, “I have this great collection of African masks.” As a single parent you’ve learned the value of getting right to the point and, as such, you had no problem with simply being honest and asking her if she’d like to come in. She accepted your straight-forward invitation -- the ultimate turn-on for a woman is honesty -- and now you know that you’re going to have sex.

Just as the single-parent lifestyle is different from the regular singles lifestyle, so are the dos and don’ts of single-parent sex. Here is my list of recommendations.

Don’t: Assume she’s a desperate single mom.

Do: Assume she needs you to go slowly.

Women are better at certain things than men are, and turning off the “sex tap” is one of them. I’ve heard of women who have turned this tap off not for months, but for years. The last thing she wants is for you to come on like gangbusters and not consider that she might need to start slowly. Just because she agreed to have sex with you doesn’t mean she agreed to rush it.

You have everything to gain by being patient and letting her take the lead. You have everything to lose by showing her from the get-go that you’re not tuned into her body rhythm and that you don’t care about her feelings.

Don’t: Assume she wants to hear about your ex. 

Do: Assume she wants to be the only woman in your mind.

Even though you both have ex's, the bedroom is no place to discuss past angst. Don’t make the mistake of thinking that you will turn her on by mentioning your ex in a less-than-positive light. She only wants to know that, at that moment, in your bed, you only have one woman on your mind -- her! In fact, she wants to feel like she’s the first woman to ever be in your bed. Get it?

Don’t: Assume you need to be a great experimental lover.

Do: Assume that it’s back to basics.

Oh, aren’t you the fancy-schmancy lover boy? And so progressive too! You know all about the best vibrators on the market -- the ones that guarantee you’ll hit her G-spot -- and you’re totally up to speed on the newest warming gels that make winter lovemaking more comfortable. OK, I give you credit: Toys can be a great addition to your sex menu for many reasons, including the fact that sometimes it’s just fine for a vibrator to give you an extra hand.

Read more: http://uk.askmen.com/dating/single_fathers/2_single_fathers.html#ixzz2Tq1zacJZ