Monday, 23 September 2013

Dating For Parents

A new relationship is about two people who have found each other and fallen in love. But what happens when at least one of them already has a child?

Dating for parents
It can be discouraging for a single mother to hear people say that it will be hard for her to find a man - at least until her offspring achieves a level of independence. It’s the kind of thing that other single parents tend to say - or at least the ones who haven’t undertaken to find a new partner after a split. But the truth is that things really can work out differently - a recent survey suggested that 92% of men would be ready to take on someone else’s children: in fact, they rather like the idea of a ‘readymade’ family. The survey went on to suggest that 40% of relationships involving a single parent actually result in marriage.
Forget the inferiority complex!
PARSHIP psychologist Nicole Schiller feels that single parents are more in need of encouragement and motivation than advice. Younger mothers in particular tend to feel they have to resign themselves to a single state. “They would do better to gather their confidence and go actively in search of a new partner,” thinks Schiller. Negativity is out of place, because there are plenty of people who are specifically in search of someone with children, either because they have children themselves and would like a partner who understands their situation, or because they feel that people without children have less to offer them. “Single parents are certainly not second-class citizens in the world of dating,” affirms Schiller. “There really is someone out there for you!”
Looking for a substitute?
Many single parents aren’t sure how to describe themselves in their online dating profile, thinking that they will deter approaches by referring to their situation. Admittedly, a certain amount of discretion is advisable … ‘Four children and two dogs are looking for a daddy!’ might be a bit too upfront, as would, “My wife has disappeared off the scene, so now I need a new mother for the triplets.” Nicole Schiller advises PARSHIP members to consider whether they’re looking for a new mother or father for their children or for a partner for themselves. Ultimately, what most people want is a partner who will accept their situation, not someone who is going to take on all the responsibilities. Schiller recommends referring to your single parent status in the context of your feelings or your everyday life: “My children are the most important thing in my life,” or “I spend the weekends with my 13-year-old daughter”. That makes the position clear without immediately raising the issue of adoption papers!
What do I tell the kids?
It is also of vital importance to talk to your children about the new situation and to get them ready for a possible change in the make-up of your family. With older children, it is a good idea to include them at a suitable stage in the process of getting to know your partner. At the least they should know if you are looking for a new relationship. This reduces the subsequent potential for conflict and for jealous feelings on your children’s part.
In general, if you have split relatively recently from you ex, then you need to tread still more carefully with your children. There is a greater risk that they will come out with something like: “But I’ve already got a mum/a dad. I don’t need another one!” Younger children tend to view any changes in their world as somewhat threatening, so they will often fear that their parent will have less time for them or that they will become less central to your existence. Don’t try and ‘sell’ the idea of a new relationship for you or your new partner - and don’t expect your child to be wild about the idea. You do need to make clear how important a new partner is to you, that you will continue to love your child just as much and that you will continue to spend lots of time with him/her.
What next?
So, when should you introduce your new love interest to your children? At the very latest this should be when you feel that a durable relationship is in view. If your new boyfriend or girlfriend doesn’t seem especially interested in getting to know your children better, then don’t rush things. Give him or her time to get used to the situation. Experts recommend staging the first meeting on neutral ground - say at a sports centre or a museum - so that no-one feels like an intruder. If your boyfriend of girlfriend doesn’t seem to hit it off particularly well with your kids, just be patient and gently make clear to him or her how important you consider it for everyone to get on with each other. And children generally come to realise of their own accord that happy parents are much nicer to live with.
Thanks to Parship for this article!

Tuesday, 10 September 2013

My Single Band - Good Idea?

Good idea? Or not?
Would you wear one?
A company called My Single Band has invented a silicone band (similar to the charity bands except those actually do something useful!) that indicates the wearer is single. What's even more insulting: they cost £6! 

Wednesday, 4 September 2013

The Single BEST Online Dating Pick Up Line!

I previously wrote a post about the Best Online Dating Pick Up Lines, and I stand by it, but some new information has arisen and I feel it is my duty as a self-proclaimed dating advice guru to share it with you guys!

So, How Do You Determine THE Best Pick Up Line?

Science! Of course. A study was conducted by dating site and they claim to have found “the Holy Grail of online flirting.” Their site has over 187 million members and it’s constantly growing. To conduct the study they monitored the initial pick up line used in almost 200,000 online messages all over the world and analysed its success.
Badoo gave it’s users the option to use one of twelves different “icebreakers” (or pick up lines). These twelves lines were all a simple statement of compliment on either a physical feature or their appearance in some way. The success of each line was measured in terms of whether a response was received at all, and whether a successful conversation (going back and forth at least four times) was sparked. This combination equalled the “Compliment Success Index” for each pick up line.

Dear God, What Is The Best Line?!

“You have beautiful lips.”
Yep. That’s it. The pickup line that was the most effective overall was “You have beautiful lips.” However, the study also discovered that what women like being complimented on varies greatly depending on ethnicity and where you are in the world, so while “beautiful lips” worked the best overall, some compliments worked better in different parts of the world.
But, if you are unsure of the woman’s nationality, lips are the way to go!

But Why?

The reason complimenting lips is the most successful is because it’s out of the norm (the study showed that “beautiful lips” was only used by 7% of men). A compliment of the lips doesn’t seem like a canned compliment that’s being mass-messaged around. It seems more tailored to an individual; women are expects at detecting a generic message that is not customized for them.
It also works because it’s very forward without being off-putting. “I love your tits” is also bold, but I think you can see the difference. Complimenting lips is just bold enough.. it suggests you’re thinking about kissing (or perhaps something dirtier), but it’s not so bold as too be gross. Women love that forcefulness, but don’t want vulgarity shoved down their throat. Another similar, but bold, option in the study was “you have a beautiful mouth“. This option was used by 12% of men (the third highest usage), but only ranked 9th out of the 12 options on the ”Compliment Success Index”
A final thought on this, from my own perspective, is that it’s something we often work on. As opposed to saying I have a beautiful nose (which is something I can’t help one way or the other), saying I have beautiful lips reassures me that someone has noticed what I’ve been trying to get noticed since I was 14 years old, slathering on tinted lip gloss.

What Else Ya Got?

“You have lovely ears.”
That’s what will work best if she’s Portuguese (seriously!). If she’s Spanish? Fawn over her luscious, luxurious hair. Russian? Tell her how adorable her nose is. Found a hoser hottie (Canadian) or a lederhosen lady (German)?? Tell them how flawless their skin is!! Polish? Arms are a big hit, for some reason. Swedish? Compliment their figure. But just that.. their “figure”. Don’t take creative licence here and spew out any “Damn girl, you are fiiiiiine” bullshit, okay?

What Do American Girls Like To Hear?

As superficial as ever, we want to hear about how nice our clothes are, how snazzy a dresser we are, and what a great fashion sense we have! But hey, that goes for Italians, Brazilians, and Frenchies too!
Beautiful lips” fared well here too, but complimenting our clothing was definitely head and shoulders above the rest. When I first read this, I thought it would be such a weird compliment to receive via online dating message, but the more I thought about it the more I think it would totally work. It’s out of the norm, and I think it would be particularly effective if you actually mentioned a specific piece of clothing from one of my photos. I personally love to know what men find me attractive. I make note to put that piece or outfit in high rotation!

Which Line Is The Most Over-Rated? 

The study found that the highest percentage of men (23%) would initiate a conversation with “You have beautiful eyes.” However, it was only the third most successful (behind lips and clothes). Eyes is a tired, old compliment. It’s bordering on cheesy, and it’s been heard a million times before. Give it a rest, then maybe it can have a comeback.
So there you go, boys. The best pick up line. Use it wisely.

Great article from 
Why not try using it here?